DIALOGUE is the understanding of myself and others

DEBATE is the argument of my position over an opponent

I listen with the view of wanting to understand I listen with the view of countering what I hear
I listen for strengths to affirm and learn I listen for weaknesses to discount and devalue
I speak for myself from my own understanding and experiences I speak based upon my assumptions about others’ position and motives
I ask questions to increase understanding I ask questions to trip up or confuse
I allow others to complete their communications I interrupt or change the subject
I concentrate on others’ words and feelings I focus on the point I want to make next
I accept others’ experiences as real and valid for them I critique others’ experiences as distorted or invalid
I allow the expression of real feelings in myself and in others I express my feelings to manipulate others and deny that their feeelings are legitimate
I honor silence I use silence to gain advantage